Sunday, July 29, 2007
hello everyone!
been a long time since i last updated huh.
hmm just chatted with my bro online and once again, i brought up the issue of wanting to study in aussie too, hoping he'd be slightly more supportive this time.
of course, he wasnt - he even chided me.
he said something like,
"everytime you say you want to do this and that, just take it with a pinch of salt because you never do it. i think by the time you're 30, you wont even get your bachelors degree yet".
haha.
it was so very, very hurting to see him saying that because i have always respected his input when i need to make a decision.
yes im known among my friends to be 'the fickle one' because im always changing my mind abt everything - from poly/jc, to pjc/ajc, to ntu/tourism academy, to mdis/apmi. and now, to add on to the list: singapore/australia.
i guess only the heavens know why i've landed myself in this state.
there are times i feel like i've ruined my future single-handedly and that my ideals are too far beyond my reach.
it's really tough being on the path less travelled, with no one to look to for reassurance of success.
but when i try to confide in people about how i feel, more often that not im merely told to 'have more faith' or 'believe in yourself'.
it's not that i regret my decision.. but there are times when i doubt my own capabilities and wonder if perhaps, im building more sandcastles in the air than my little brain can achieve.
i cant fault anyone for these i know, because i chose this path myself.
but it was never my intention to make such a HUGGGEE roundabout either, wasting a year's time and money, only to find myself studying alongside a bunch of 16-year-olds who had flung their O-levels.
i wish i had my brother's strong will, my dad's determination or even my mother's non-acquisitive character..
when will things start looking up for me? =(
♥ my red umbrella
18:41
